ALTERNATIVE BLOG NAMES!

SO AS EVERYONE KNOWS (I WRITE IN ALL CAPS LIKE KANYE'S BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE BLOG NAME! BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHERZ THERE COULD BEE? BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. IT'S ALL THE BUZZ! WELL, HERE'S SOME HONEY FOR YA TO QUENCH YOUR BUZZZZZZZZZIN' (THAT WAS A METAPHOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

1. PETER BLOGDONAVICH

2. BLOGGIN' HARD? OR HARDLY BLOGGIN'!

3. THE PRINCESS AND THE BLOG

4. EVERY BLOG HAS ITS DAY

5. ALL BLOGS GO TO KEVIN (IF MY NAME WAS KEVIN)

6. GOLDEN GIRLS

7. EGG BLOG

8. MY BLOG QUIP (LIKE MY DOG SKIP. SORRY FOR SPLAINING. YA KNOW, LIKE "LUCY, YOU GOT SOME SPLAINING TO DO!!!!!!)

9. GROUNDBLOG DAY

10. WILD BLOGS

11. WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU BLOG BLOG

12. SPENCER PRATT AND HEIDI MONBLOG

13. DAY-UM, BRO JUST COCKBLOGGED ME!

14. RICHARD BLOGNER'S "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"

15. JOHANN SEBASTIAN BLOG

16. DON'T BLOG ME, BRO!

17. LILO AND BLOG

18. KISS ME THROUGH THE BLOG (THAT'S FOR YOU KPF!)

ABLEEABLEEABLEE THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

PET PEEVES!!!!!!!!!!! LOLZ

yo guys time to go thru my pet peevz sintz you guyz wanna know so damn badz. i made them extra sassy.

10. French ticklers- it's like, hellloooooo, this isn't the 90's!

9. Amish people- it's like, hellooooo, just cuz you fanatic don't mean you gotta be stanky.

8. Racism- it's like, helllooooooo, this isn't the 90's!

7. People saying "Chucktown". Seriously bro, just cuz you can say it, doesn't mean you should, or that it will get you laid.

6. dmb- more like dUmb, am i right?

5. high school suessical- just because you can combine two things, doesn't mean you necessarily should, even though it hasn't been done yet.

4. Janjaweed- Go around raping and pillaging? yeh, you're cool....

3. Farting in hospitals- Just cuz it's a hospital you think everything goes? guess what, it doesn't.

2. Banishing Jews and Muslims from the Iberian peninsula. it's like, hellllloooooooo, this isn't the 1490's...

1. Saying "and whatnot" after describing something. IT MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE A PEASANT! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT!

dedicated in loving mammary to Kristen Fabian

Long time no look....

Hey everybuddy! It's been a while I know, I went on a "business trip" to Aspen a few weeks ago and got snowed in. It was kind of like that Cuba Gooding Jr. film Snow Dogs. You know, cuz of all the snow. But yeh, I made like six figures that weekend. That is, I made six SNOWMEN!!!!! AHHHH, prank alert! But the ironic thing is that since I'm such a big name in the contemporary art world and whatever I sold all the snowmen for about $20,ooo each to naive dilettante trust fund art school students. So yeh, I LITERALLY made six figures on selling six "figures"! So that's about all, I've got serious jet lag right now. Time to catch some Zzzzzzzz's (not to be confused with the popular blog sensation that's sweeping the nation, "Catching some Zzzzzzz's (with one less "z")). If you need me I'll have both of my blueteeth on my hear-holes. Only 2 days left to Christmas! (Screw you advent calendar! My hunger for chocolate determines what day it is!!!!!)

god is love, xo xo

Some Housekeeping...

So there's been a lot talk regarding my blogging around the office, and I just thought that I would clear some things up (before the tabloids jump on it like elephants on a peanut). All of my blogs from now on will conclude with the catchphrase, "god is love, xo xo." Yeh, made it up myself, no big deal. The reason being my friend, let's call her Margaret, was effin' with my shitzu! I was like Day-um girl, why you gotta be postin' blogs like Perez all the times! (that's Rosie Perez! she won the Oscar for It Could Happen to You! You been livin' under a rock?) But yeh, she fabricatin' sheez like that guy that Oprah exposed on national television. Man oh man, she exposed that joker like Justin exposed Janet. It broke my heart into a million little pieces. It also broke my hearth into a million little pieces (don't ask, I got BURNED UP...). But this blog is basically about MAGARET and her nasty lil habit of ghost writing and ergo undermining my ever expanding BLOGIVERSE! I don't need no Cyrano de Bergerac. I aint bout to start fakin' it willy nilly like Milli Vanilli. You see, these are rhymes only I could concoct. So feast joyful readers! On my succulent prose, that I guarantee you is my own and no one else's own. CAPEESH!?!?!?!

god is love, xo xo

Oh sheesh y'all, twas a dream!

Happy HELLidays!

I don't dislike the holidays. In fact I QUITE LIKE THE HOLIDAYS! Whoops, my caps lock went haywire! (This is all live, you never know what's going to happen!) But back to my rant ... Yeh- I have no animosity towards the holidays, I just gave my blog that title to titillate you- the faithful reader. Literally you are the one and only reader. I thought it would be fun to kick off this blogapalooza with a holiday theme. One of my favorite Christmas memories was a few nights ago (about 17 dog nights). My GF, who shall not be named, sang all of the old anti-Barney carols that proliferated during our early elemntary days. You know the ones: "I hate you, you hate me, let's get together and kill Barney." This meditation allowed me to think about the unjust villification of gangsta rap. Heck, IT'S STRAIGHT UP RACIST! That was not an accident. I. Am. Angry. I feel so angry that I write like E.E. Cummings. I'm angry like Sean Penn in the movie when he's yelling in the megaphone saying, "I know you're angry... I'M ANGRY!!!!!" I'm sassy angry. But yes- the war on gangsta rap is straight up hypocritical. How can you condemn pimps'n'hos and guns'n'butter when such hate speech is allowed on the first grade level. The thing about gansta rap is it never addresses the audience in the 2nd person. Directly saying, "I hate you" can be very damaging for a fragile child's self-worth. I have never heard any gangsta rapper address the listener with such disdain. So yeh, sorry to get on a soapbox here, but my feet is dirtay!

that's all right now, god is love, xo xo